i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
