i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
