Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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