So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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