he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
