why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
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Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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