Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
