i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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