That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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