so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
