I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
