there's paper in my vomit.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
