You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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