I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
