I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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