So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
