I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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