It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
