So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
