if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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