Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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