He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
