i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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