Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
