Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
