it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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