Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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