hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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