i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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