Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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