I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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