so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
