Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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