Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
