VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
