Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
