So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
