so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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