when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
