I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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