Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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