Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
