If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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