I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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