I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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