You just made me feel so damn special
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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