I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
