I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
