Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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