My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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