My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
