Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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