Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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