well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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