I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
