sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
