dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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