woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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