Cold hands, warm shart.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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