its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
