The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
