Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
