But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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