but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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