One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
