girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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