Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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