first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
